About ben

It’s hard to accept that life, in all its beauty I have experienced, will eventually end someday. It’s not a fear of passing, but more so what’s left behind that keeps me awake some nights.
Being buried is never an idea I could bare but thinking of me being left in a small box or urn that eventually gets disposed of when there is nobody left to care for it, is an even worse thought.
This occurred to me when a past love was holding on to our beloved fur child, Kessel. She did not want to let him go and my concern was what would eventually happen to his ashes in that box when we were both gone. It had me thinking about my own ashes and what my wishes were. I had so many places I loved, and I wanted to remain in them whispering in the winds.
The problem I kept running into was who would see to it that my ashes were released in these places. I do not have kids and it’s hard for people to find time just for one event like this. Funerals are typically close to home and so are interments. Getting someone to travel to where you want them to, and to give respect to the choice of place and sacred release is not something easy to find.
Much later, after a short 9 years, my most beloved Springer Spaniel, Amos, had passed away from cancer. I was heartbroken like I had never felt before. When I received his ashes, I could not set them away from me for weeks. His loss was unreal to me.
With all the love I had for him I finally came to a resolve that I needed to give him dignity and release him. I wanted him to rest in all the places he loved. He had a favorite trail and stream, so I started there. My beautiful wife and I had our wedding in Moab, Utah and we wanted him to be part of that memory, so we scattered some together after the ceremony there as well. One of the last places was a beach in Florida where we went together at one of the toughest periods of my life. We enjoyed the day so much and it was there that my life regained the light of hope. Its hard to not let out tears while writing this but when Courtney and I went back to spread his ashes at this beach, during the remembrance whiskey toast for him, it hit me. This was Amos guiding me to what I was supposed to do. Be the person who remembers. Speak the kind words of remembrance so that someone hears them, even if it’s just me. Ensure they get to rest where they most loved.